Thankful for Depression?

“Hi, can I get a decaf, sugar-free, non-alcoholic something...and make it quick, cause I’m on my way to the gym!”

That might be a line that comes out of my mouth in the next two weeks...ok, maybe not verbatim, but you get the gist.

You see, for two weeks out of each month, any combination of not enough exercise, and consuming sugar, caffeine, or alcohol can send my brain some faulty messages like “that’s it, just crawl under those covers, close your eyes, and avoid all people and obligations until I say so.”  It may sound crazy, but it’s true.  Just ask Brian.  Yep, that’s right.  “Hi.  My name is Anne.  And I live with depression.”  ...I live trying to be friends with it, that is. 

Thanks to some really good doctors, nutritionists, and counselors, along with some pretty good literature on my good friend, PMS (or as my doctor diagnosed me as experiencing, PMDD - code for “this ain’t just cramps”), I’ve learned a lot about how my brain operates during this time.

Basically what it comes down to is that my brain just needs that time to be what I now like to call “closed for cleaning”.  If I dirty it up with “the big three” (three of my favorite things, I might add) it’s like throwing gasoline on a fire. 

Thankfully, and with a lot of help from good friends and an incredible partner, I’ve started to go from thinking of my depression as a bi-weekly battle that I dread fighting...to thinking of it as if I were caring for a fussy small child, who just doesn’t know any better.  

And as I’m sure any mother of a fussy small child will tell you....even with some healthy structure and nurturing...sometimes it’s fucking difficult to manage.  *F-bomb acknowledged and warranted in the eyes of this blogger :)

And just like a small child, my depression keeps me on my toes...in a good way.  It forces me to take care of my body and to take care of myself in a better way than I otherwise might.  

So, for now...take good care, vanilla latte and yummy northwest brew...I’ll be back in a couple weeks.

*I realize it’s not necessarily easy or comfortable to talk about (or hear about) depression, because of the unfortunate stigma on it, but if anyone reading this ever wants to ask me questions or talk about depression, I’m happy to listen and/or share with you my own experience.  One thing I know for sure is that silence is its biggest breeder.