For my 30th birthday, I wanted to be in good enough shape to finish an olympic-distance triathlon. This was a goal that came to me through Brian. I have been exercising with more intention since the Fall, and a lot of my motivation has been simply wanting to feel really good about my fitness level when I turn 30. Pretty plain and simple. No big, lofty goals attached.
A few months ago, Brian asked me if I thought he should do a triathlon that had caught his attention, about a month after the Eugene marathon. (He was concerned about whether or not it was healthy to do so close to the marathon, and whether or not he'd really have the time...) He decided not to do it, but by turning my attention to it, I felt a little tug. I decided I wanted to do it! The only obstacle was that it was an open-water swim, and I am pretty uneasy and scared of swimming in anything except a swimming pool. I decided I would go ahead and train for it, and make a decision later...
Two weeks before the triathlon, I actually signed up to do it. It took me that long to let go of my fear of open-water enough to just go for it. I had trained so that I could swim the distance comfortably in the pool, so in my mind I thought I'd at least be OK physically, and I'd deal with the mental part later... :)
So, here I am on race day:
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| Wet-suiting up! |
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| This is a pretty accurate image of how I really felt about the upcoming swim. Nervous! |
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| This is how I was trying to feel about the upcoming swim. Hopeful and optimistic! |
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| Stretching a little... |
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| Staring a little... |
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| In the water, waiting for the start! |
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| There goes everyone ahead of me! |
As soon as the horn sounded, I dove in with all the others, just trying to follow suit. In an instant, I was overwhelmed with sensory overload. The sound of everyone splashing, the cold water in my face, not being able to see the bottom, feeling the chaotic energy around me....it sent me into probably the closest I've ever come to having a panic attack. Whatever it was, my brain immediately said, "No way! Get out of this water right now!" I freaked. It was like every fiber of my being was incredibly uncomfortable, and I thought there was no way I was going to be able to do this. I kept trying to go forward and swim like I can swim in a pool, but it just wasn't happening. Every time I tried, I couldn't get control of my breath, and it was like my body refused to do anything except get out of the water. We're talking extreme gasping for air and feeling intense fear and discomfort.
Thankfully, there was a lifeguard in a kayak nearby, named James. He was a 19-year old freshman at UO, and he is the reason I stayed in the water. Unbeknownst to me, about a dozen people had actually gotten out of the water because they were scared. James was right there to talk me down, and let me know that I could take as long as I wanted to complete the swim, and whatever I needed to do to be comfortable was just fine. He even said he'd accompany me through the whole course if that's what it would take for me to stay in the water. I was so panicked, that I took him up on that, and that actually really comforted and encouraged me. Every time I put my face in the water, my breathing would spiral, so I had to accept the reality that the only way I was going to finish this was with my head above water. So, that's exactly what I did. I swam a mile doing the breaststroke, with my head above the water. I was in the water for an hour and ten minutes. That's twice as long as it takes me to swim a mile in the pool.
Once I accepted the fact that I could still do this, and that it was just going to take me a really long time, I decided to just have fun with it. I took in the beautiful view, enjoyed watching the hardcore swimmers go by me with their perfect form, and chatted it up with my new friend, James :)
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| There's James, my guardian angel, and three really fast swimmers passing me... |
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| During my swim, I got to know James pretty well. We talked for most of the time, and I learned that he has done the Alcatrez Triathlon TWICE, and he's only 19! Do I need to mention that there are Great Whites in that swim??? Yeah. James is a very kind, supportive badass. |
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| Passing the last buoy! |
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| Getting out of that water was so incredibly relieving, gratifying, and joyful for me. I was the last person out of the water, and I have to say, it's never felt so good to be last :) I had my own personal cheering section, too, which made it more fun. |
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| Ok, now time to strip that wetsuit off and hop on my bike! |
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| 40K, here I come... |
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| Now off for the 10K run! |
I did make up some time with my bike and run, and almost actually caught some people. I really didn't care about any of that, though, because at that point I was thankful I was even still in it! For my run, the end-of-race monitor guy came up beside me and asked if he could join me or if I wanted to run by myself. I welcomed his company, and so I got another friendly person to chat with. As it turns out, he was an avid ultra-marathoner and knows most of the people in the book, Born to Run. His name was Ken, and he was a chemist for Hewlett-Packard in Corvallis. His daughter was the race director, and he was training for an ultra marathon (100 miles) coming up in July. A really fascinating person, to say the least, and he was a great running buddy. I didn't need his encouragement to finish at that point, but I sure did appreciate it :)
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| Nearing the finish line, I was ecstatic :) |
I don't know if you can tell by the pictures and my words, but this was not just a physical experience for me. It was also a spiritual one. To move through the fear I felt in the water was difficult to say the least, and I'm so thankful for the support I had around me. Seeing and hearing Brian from the shoreline was a big boost for me, and helped me stay focused on my goal of just finishing. I just had to take it step-by-step (or, stroke-by-stroke, I guess).
At the finish line, James came over to me and gave me a great big hug. The next day, I had an email waiting for me from Ken commending me on my attitude and focus. I felt so supported and affirmed!
Anyway, I'm happy I was able to complete it, and I'm glad to have this experience under my belt now....a great 30th birthday gift to myself. And big thanks to my amazing husband for supporting me through deciding to do it, training for it, and staying in that damn lake! :)
